Abby Van Egdom, MA, LMFTA
Are We Really At That Point?
Updated: Sep 11, 2020
The thought of going to couples therapy can be intimidating and you might be asking yourself, “Are we really at that point?” And why wouldn’t you? All television and movies tell us is that couples go to therapy once they are on the road to divorce. This assumption leads to research finding that couples wait six years until they seek support by going to couples therapy.
Six years of being stuck in the same cycle and not knowing what they could do to make anything better. Six years of putting themselves out there and trying seemingly everything with no lasting results. Six years of growing apart or feeling disconnected. Six years of waiting. And maybe waiting until any solutions feel a little too late.
Going to couples therapy does not mean you are at the end of your relationship, but it can simply be a relationship health check-up. Many start going to therapy once they feel like their toolbox has been used up and have still not found a resolution.
Think of all the changes you have been through in your relationship. Maybe you got a new job, moved to another home, had beautiful and exhausting children, no longer have the free time you once had, experienced a loss, or even discovered more about yourself and your needs.
Have you done any of those things before? Has your relationship been through any of those events? No. So why do we expect that we should be able to do it without any support?
Therapy can prevent you both from being more entrenched or hurt and maintain the bond you have. It can be incredibly useful to just have an outside perspective that can see past the current situation and explore how past situations may be impacting it, how this influences your visions for your future, and how you can show up more intentionally in the moment with your partner.
Making your relationship a priority can set your relationship back to growing together through life transitions and rediscovering a way to show up in your relationship as your whole self. Whether you have had a wound in your relationship or looking for a way to reconnect, therapy can help you have a space to explore, process, and heal.
You deserve not to wait and not to feel shame for wanting something better for your relationship.