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  • Writer's pictureAbby Van Egdom, LMFT

Surviving Wedding Planning as a Couple In Love

Wedding planning can be wonderful and stressful all at once.

Couples start planning their wedding because they are in love and have decided to celebrate spending the rest of their lives together. Then amongst all of the decisions, misunderstandings with in-laws, overwhelm by the amount of choices, differing opinions on what is important for the big day, and mentally preparing for all the details - the specialness of your relationship can be hidden away by frustration and impatience. The most common advice from other couples is to just elope. Yet we all want to have our special day and believe that won't be us.

It doesn't have to be but it does take effort. It is possible to maintain and continue to grow your relationship as you wedding plan.

Here are my top recommendations to survive wedding planning and actually get married as a couple in love.

  • Schedule wedding planning meetings together as a couple (maybe on weekends at a coffee shop or bar or while on a walk in nature)

Block off times as "wedding planning free zones"

  • Pause/reschedule if getting overwhelmed or irritated with each other

  • Identify what each of you value in the engagement process and wedding day. Align on the must haves and let go of the lower priority items.

  • Have a Pinterest lookbook date

  • Agree on a realistic budget together in the beginning to avoid more disagreements in the future and to be on the same page on your priorities

  • List tasks and negotiate who does what (pull sticks if need to). Identify your core needs with the tasks and then allow your partner to fulfill the task in their own way.

One of you may care more about specific things but if you agree on having a wedding, the tasks have to get done by someone. Start your marriage as a team.

  • Celebrate the completed tasks together - no matter how small!

  • Check in with each other how the wedding planning process is going

  • Have date nights/shared activities that have nothing to do with wedding planning

  • Be a united front with others - use “we” vs. my partner wants, have a plan for pushback with a gentle statement to repeat, decide plan for who interacts with each family of origin

  • Continue self-care and personal hobbies to decrease stress

  • Allow additional supports - friends, family, wedding planner, day of coordinator

  • Continue to also focus on what you are looking forward to in the future of your relationship

  • Focus on your strengthening your relationship through pre-marital counseling

Remember it is just one day to start your marriage and you can't please everyone. Your relationship is more important than how you feel like the wedding should be. Enjoy the time you have with the person you plan to say "I do" to.

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