Abby Van Egdom, LMFT
Therapist's Relationship Questions for Couples
Topics to Explore with Your Partner:
Before Marriage or to have a Better Relationship
How do we express our love to each other? When do you feel the most loved?
How do you think our love will change in our relationship? How has it changed already?
What do you hope we never lose in our relationship?
What do you think is the best way to keep our love alive?
How would you spend an ideal work day, weekend day, and time off?
What is your comfortable amount of time spent together and time spent apart (work and personal time) in the day/week?
How often would you like to spend with friends (together and individually)?
What does quality time together mean to you?
How do you view emotions? How were emotions talked about/managed in your family?
What are your go to coping strategies?
How do you process through difficult emotions?
How would you like me to support you during difficult emotions?
What are your biggest personal triggers that lead to you feeling hurt, sad, shame, etc.?
What is your response to uncertainty and change?
What is causing you stress currently?
What are your biggest pet peeves?
What are ways that you lower your overall stress levels? How can we prioritize them?
What supports you when you are feeling overwhelmed?
What is your ideal way for us to handle disagreements?
What were conflicts like in your family? (siblings, with or between parents)
What is off-limits within our disagreements or arguments?
How do you feel about pausing to “go to sleep angry/unresolved” or do we stay up?
Would you be willing to reach out to couples therapy?
Do you have any deal breakers?
Would you ever consider divorce?
What do you consider “cheating” or “betrayal” (small and big)?
What would your ideal repair look like in our relationship?
What were repairs like in your family?
How do we want to reach out to each other when feeling disconnected?
What helps us feel safe and secure in our relationship, even in disagreement?
What does your dream career look like?
Where do you want to live? Would you relocate or be open to moving?
What do you hope to achieve or do in your lifetime (bucket list items)?
What does money mean to you? What were finances like/talked about in family?
What is your current financial situation (salary, debt, savings, investments)?
What is your strategy for tracking spending/saving?
What do we spend our savings on? What are you currently saving for?
How much is a comfortable amount to have in savings right now?
How would we like to manage our financial accounts? (joint, private, a mix)
Is there an amount of money to discuss prior to making a purchase?
How important is charity and giving to you right now?
How often should we talk about money?
Do you have any financial fears?
How often would you like to speak with and spend time with family? How often as a couple?
Are there any family events that are very important for you or us to attend?
How would we handle it if there becomes a disagreement between me and your family?
How do you envision us supporting our parents as they grow older?
Do you want kids? If so, how many kids do you want? When do you want them? How far apart?
What values do you want to instill in your children?
What kind of life do you imagine in that phase of our lives?
Would you be willing to adopt or choose IVF if we have difficulty or cannot have children?
How involved do we want our parents to be? What would the ideal involvement look like?
What type of parent do you want to be?
What would/do you discipline as a parent? How do we parent together as a united front?
How would we like to handle day to day and big decisions?
What do you value in relationships and in life?
What does marriage mean to you?
What do you believe are the roles of a husband or wife?
What are your political views/values?
What does sex mean for you?
What do you like and dislike during sex?
What does “foreplay” mean to you?
How do we initiate sex? How do we turn down sex?
How should we share if we are ever sexually dissatisfied?
How do you view pornography?
How do you view masturbation?
Do we use any form of contraceptives? Whose responsibility is it?
What is your faith and how important is your religion to you?
What holidays are important for you to celebrate? What do you hope these holidays look like?
If you had children, how would religion play a part in raising them?
How much do you value personal health (physical + mental health)?
What are your personal goals regarding your personal health? How can we support each other?
What are the main concerns in your medical family history?
What is your willingness to exercise or change your diet to support any health goals/changes?