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  • Abby Van Egdom, LMFT

Therapist's Relationship Questions for Couples

Topics to Explore with Your Partner:

Before Marriage or to have a Better Relationship


Love

  • How do we express our love to each other? When do you feel the most loved?

  • How do you think our love will change in our relationship? How has it changed already?

  • What do you hope we never lose in our relationship?

  • What do you think is the best way to keep our love alive?


Fun

  • How would you spend an ideal work day, weekend day, and time off?

  • What is your comfortable amount of time spent together and time spent apart (work and personal time) in the day/week?

  • How often would you like to spend with friends (together and individually)?

  • What does quality time together mean to you?


Emotions

  • How do you view emotions? How were emotions talked about/managed in your family?

  • What are your go to coping strategies?

  • How do you process through difficult emotions?

  • How would you like me to support you during difficult emotions?

  • What are your biggest personal triggers that lead to you feeling hurt, sad, shame, etc.?

  • What is your response to uncertainty and change?


Stress

  • What is causing you stress currently?

  • What are your biggest pet peeves?

  • What are ways that you lower your overall stress levels? How can we prioritize them?

  • What supports you when you are feeling overwhelmed?


Conflict

  • What is your ideal way for us to handle disagreements?

  • What were conflicts like in your family? (siblings, with or between parents)

  • What is off-limits within our disagreements or arguments?

  • How do you feel about pausing to “go to sleep angry/unresolved” or do we stay up?

  • Would you be willing to reach out to couples therapy?

  • Do you have any deal breakers?

  • Would you ever consider divorce?

  • What do you consider “cheating” or “betrayal” (small and big)?


Repairs

  • What would your ideal repair look like in our relationship?

  • What were repairs like in your family?

  • How do we want to reach out to each other when feeling disconnected?

  • What helps us feel safe and secure in our relationship, even in disagreement?



Goals

  • What does your dream career look like?

  • Where do you want to live? Would you relocate or be open to moving?

  • What do you hope to achieve or do in your lifetime (bucket list items)?


Finances

  • What does money mean to you? What were finances like/talked about in family?

  • What is your current financial situation (salary, debt, savings, investments)?

  • What is your strategy for tracking spending/saving?

  • What do we spend our savings on? What are you currently saving for?

  • How much is a comfortable amount to have in savings right now?

  • How would we like to manage our financial accounts? (joint, private, a mix)

  • Is there an amount of money to discuss prior to making a purchase?

  • How important is charity and giving to you right now?

  • How often should we talk about money?

  • Do you have any financial fears?


Family

  • How often would you like to speak with and spend time with family? How often as a couple?

  • Are there any family events that are very important for you or us to attend?

  • How would we handle it if there becomes a disagreement between me and your family?

  • How do you envision us supporting our parents as they grow older?


Children

  • Do you want kids? If so, how many kids do you want? When do you want them? How far apart?

  • What values do you want to instill in your children?

  • What kind of life do you imagine in that phase of our lives?

  • Would you be willing to adopt or choose IVF if we have difficulty or cannot have children?

  • How involved do we want our parents to be? What would the ideal involvement look like?

  • What type of parent do you want to be?

  • What would/do you discipline as a parent? How do we parent together as a united front?

  • How would we like to handle day to day and big decisions?


Values

  • What do you value in relationships and in life?

  • What does marriage mean to you?

  • What do you believe are the roles of a husband or wife?

  • What are your political views/values?

Sex

  • What does sex mean for you?

  • What do you like and dislike during sex?

  • What does “foreplay” mean to you?

  • How do we initiate sex? How do we turn down sex?

  • How should we share if we are ever sexually dissatisfied?

  • How do you view pornography?

  • How do you view masturbation?

  • Do we use any form of contraceptives? Whose responsibility is it?

Religion

  • What is your faith and how important is your religion to you?

  • What holidays are important for you to celebrate? What do you hope these holidays look like?

  • If you had children, how would religion play a part in raising them?


Health

  • How much do you value personal health (physical + mental health)?

  • What are your personal goals regarding your personal health? How can we support each other?

  • What are the main concerns in your medical family history?

  • What is your willingness to exercise or change your diet to support any health goals/changes?

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